Pedicure & Probe

So Cara dragged me to get my first ever pedicure yesterday and it was a pleasant and traumatizing experience at the same time. I enjoyed having the little woman clip, pick, and buff away any and all things unsightly on my feet. I even enjoyed it when she was massaging my feet and legs, though I did squirm a little bit when she touched my toes (Hey, can't a man be ticklish??). I know, this all sounds like a good time. So what was so traumatizing???

The massage chair they sat me in..... It violated me. :-(

Here's the play-by-play.

We both sit down in our chairs and turn on the massage.

Cara: Hmm... I've never been in a chair that works the bottom.
Will: (Inside head) What is she talking about working the bottom??

I begin to feel something move around my butt.

Will: (Inside head) What is moving underneath me??
Will: (Inside head) That's not normal... AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Will: Cara, I think my chair is violating me.
Cara: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I shed a single tear knowing my life will never be the same...

Yes, this massage chair had some feature that would massage the buttocks. The only thing, is that my chair didn't like me for some reason and tried to massage the center of my buttocks in a probe-like fashion. So as I sit here now traumatized I would like to thank Cara for taking me to get a pedicure. I now know how the people who have been abducted by aliens feel. :-)